Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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