11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
