Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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