i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
