4 words: hood of his car
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
