no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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