Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
