In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
