I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
