Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We're too hungover to prance.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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