Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I think a kid would responsible me up
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
