if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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