That's when you crack a 10am beer
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
