Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
