Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
