2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You are a genius and a whore.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
