I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
