I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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