I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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