the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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