why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
