i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
