just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
