I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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