Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
