ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
