God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
