Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
