Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
its liver damage thursday
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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