the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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