I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
