Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
