it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
