Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
