Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
