Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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