My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
