woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
