Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
