I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
