I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
PANTIES FOUND
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