I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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