You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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