I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
