apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just high enough for therapy.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So much rum. So many feels.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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