i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize