no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
