I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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