In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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