you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
