fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
