I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
