I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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