guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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