Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize