i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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