you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
