Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
