i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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