You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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