after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
