I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
