yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My first STD was from a foam party
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize